Step Two in resolving marriage conflict is: Prepare your own heart before working on resolving marital conflict. This begins by getting alone and listening to God and your own heart. When you understand your part in the offense and God’s grace, you are ready to work with your mate to close the open loop of hurt. Get more marriage preparation advice by clicking on this link.
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The following clip “Christian pre marriage Counseling — Differences in Marriage — Blessing or Curse?” is from Marriage 101: Back to the Basics, the newest Christian pre marriage counseling release from Grace Products. Browse the video and written content to determine if this new series meets your premarital counseling and marriage enrichment questions or needs.
Duration : 0:2:26
pre marriage and marriage counseling at its best!! In the office, counseling center, or in the privacy of your home. Marriage 101 equips couples to build a marriage that delights and endures for a lifetime. The producer, Greg Vaughn, explains the multiple resources available to couples preparing for marriage and how married couples can have a strong and healthy relationship.
Duration : 0:8:36
The seventh “C” that you will have to sail in your marriage is charity. That is an old fashioned word which we often translate “love” these days. I’m not talking about giving to charity or about charitable organizations. Obviously those kinds of actions are a result of love, compassion and caring that comes from our hearts.
But in a marriage, charity is the equivalent of pure and simple LOVE. The Bible says that love bears all things and believes all things. Without love it is impossible to have an intimate relationship. It is the component that is the foundation and basis for trust that your partner truly has your best interest in mind and that kind of trust is fundamental for an intimate and fulfilling relationship.
It’s important to remember that charity (love) is a gift from God. Godly love is unconditional. It does not depend upon what the other partner does or doesn’t do. It is genuine. It goes “lightyears” beyond physical attraction. It is a spiritual commitment both to God and to your spouse.
If expressing “charity” toward your partner seems impossible, it is – that is, without God’s help. Only having His Holy Spirit inhabiting and transforming your inner being on a day by day basis will enable you to respond with charity when your partner is doling out something that is completely uncharitable.
Ephesians 5:28 through 31 says, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
My suggestion is that you read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 together every night for the first month of your marriage until you begin to grasp the true meaning of what the Bible calls charity.
You can find more premarital advice by clicking on the highlighted link.
The sixth of the seven “C’s” of marriage is covenant. In order to understand covenant we must understand the difference between that and a contract. A contract is normally a legally binding document that is generally written in such a way as to provide for all the possible loopholes to get out of it – legally.
On the other hand, a covenant is very different. It is a unilateral commitment that is binding independent of what the other party does or does not do.
How different these two concepts are! And how far away we have gotten from the covenant model of marriage. Even though most marriage vows include the words, “Until death do us part,” the average bride and/or groom has in the back of their mind, the thought, “Until you do something for which I feel justified in leaving you.”
In a Christian marriage, the concept of covenant is fundamental. It is based on the Biblical concept of agape love…unconditional love modeled after the love God has for us. God’s love for each of us does not depend upon our love for Him. It never has and never will. And that is the model upon which covenant marriage is based. It is a love that mere humans are incapable of apart from the grace and enabling of the God who is “love.”
Our culture has taken us so far away from that model that most couples even if they are Christian, only give lip service to the idea of covenant. And when the going gets tough, as it inevitably will, all that our culture has taught us about having the right to be happy, etc, prevails over the fundamental principles of covenant. A covenant is a type of vow and it is something that God takes very, very seriously. Ecclesiastes 5:5 says, “It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.”
So as we go into marriage, if we are serious about covenant, we must be willing to weather all the storms that will come against us as a couple and we must be willing to stand together to defend each other and the covenant we make “until death do us part.” And let’s really mean it.
For information on premarital education you can do from your home check out the new Marriage 101 Online course.
Comedy is the fifth of the 7 “C’s” of marriage. But is should especially characterize a Christian marriage. Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22 & 23. So let there be joy, laughter and lightness of heart. When something unexpected or undesirable happens and you are tempted to weep and wail, look for the funny side and laugh instead. Proverbs 15:13 says, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”
I had to learn how to laugh and how to make merry and I learned it primarily from my husband. My childhood was marked by disappointments and difficulties. I was altogether way too serious about myself, about life, about everything. But fortunately for me, I married a man who loved to joke, who laughs easily and who manages to see the bright and light side of almost any situation. He is also a story teller and can spin a yarn or sing a song that will turn anyone’s frown to a smile.
I remember one occasion that was frightening to me at the time it happened but was hilariously funny later. In fact, I was so dismayed by the situation that I made my husband promise never to tell anyone. Then after some time had passed, I began to tell people what had happened and thought it extremely funny!
Laughter truly is good medicine. It lightens any load and gets your physical body cooperating with you instead of working against you. So make sure you have plenty of it in your marriage. And never take yourself too seriously!
Click on premarital resources for more great advice and help for your marriage.
Courtesy is the 4th of the seven “C’s” of marriage. It is often something we extend to everyone except those closest and dearest to us. It almost seems like an old fashioned concept in this day and age, but it is important for a good marriage relationship.
It implies being kind and thoughtful, having good manners, being a gentleman or a lady. J B Phillips translated 1 Cor. 13: 5 “Love has good manners.” And in the New King James version it says, “Love does not behave rudely.” Sometimes it’s easier to see what something is by looking at what it is not. When you live with another person it is easy to fall into the habit of being rude rather than taking just an extra minute or two to be kind.
Let’s just think a moment about some ways to express courtesy to each other. One way is to wait patiently for the other person, offer to help with some specific task, do the dishes unexpectedly (if you’re the husband and don’t normally do them.) We can probably all think of ways to extend kindness and courtesy to each other. I’d love to get your ideas. Feel free to post a comment and tell us what you have done to extend kindness to your boyfriend, spouse or fiancee.
And if you’re looking for an excellent online premarital counseling course, just click the highlighted phrase and you’ve found it!
The second of the seven C’s of Christian marriage is compromise.
Does that surprise you? Maybe you think you are always right. That’s a dangerous position to take if you expect to have a marriage that is satisfying and has a minimum of conflict. When two people live together there must always be compromise. The process of give and take will sometimes require that you go 80% of the way and your partner goes 20%. On another issue it may be 50/50. The bottom line is that even though you may have always done something a certain way, it can always be done differently. That doesn’t mean you are wrong or that your partner is wrong. It simply means that you learned it differently or developed a different opinion. The more alike you were in your family backgrounds, education, religious upbringing, the easier these compromises
will be. Instead of having to go from 100 back to 20 or 30 on the scale, you will hover closer to the 50/50 point on alot of issues – probably on the ones that are most important to you. And it will be much easier to ompromise on the others.
Occasionally you will encounter a situation that triggers such a strong negative reaction in you that you will be surprised and shocked. When this happens, it is probably due to something in your past that evoked a strong emotional response from you. When your partner does or says something that reminds you of that situation in your past, that strong emotional response will take over. Honestly, I’m telling you – he/she didn’t do it on purpose. In our own relationship we have found that those kinds of responses are important and will be oorways to healing and strengthening of your relationship if you know how to take advantage of them. I don’t really have time to go into all the details about that at this time, but I would like to say that there are many resources available to enable you to deal with things like this.
Sometimes compromise will require that you decide not to have the last word. It may mean simply biting your tongue, closing your mouth and nodding your head. The book of Proverbs is filled with wisdom we need for successful relationships today. Proverbs 25:24 says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” So keeping our mouths shut at times, may be the highest form of compromise – and wisdom.
Compromise may also mean that you agree to disagree. This is ok as long as its not a core value that you disagree upon. One very devisive issue that often requires compromise in a marriage is the issue of finances. If you are a spendthrift and your partner is an impulse buyer, you may be in for some head on conflict unless you learn to compromise in this area. One way to head off potential conflict is to establish even before marriage, a threshold of spending. In other words, you must agree upon any expenditure over a certain amount.
For a Christian, compromise is the ultimate way expressing love through serving and honoring each other. It requires being committed more to “us” than to “me.” It can make your marriage better than good!
To find out how to improve your chances of having a great marriage, check out our premarital counseling home study course and other premarital resources. Don’t go into your marriage unprepared.
Before you get married, have you really stopped to think about issues that may affect your ability as a couple to have a long lasting, enjoyable and satisfying relationship? There are many factors that will determine how marriage is for you and none of them has very much to do with the “chemistry” that attracted you to each other. In fact, they will all require work.
The first of the Seven C’s of Christian Marriage is Commitment. Without commitment, you have nothing.
When Columbus set out to sail west to reach the East, it was a commitment. It meant no turning back no matter what dangers, storms and trials lay ahead. If you think of marriage this way, you will face the struggles, differences, challenges and surprises of marriage and find a way together to go on. These things will make you stronger as an individual and stronger as a couple.
One key to accomplishing this is first of all, mindset. I’m in this for life! Until death do us part! Without that, you will give up. This is what we mean by commitment.
You need that commitment to your spouse and in the same way you need that commitment to the Lord. As each of you draws closer to Him, you will inevitably draw closer to each other. And developing both of those relationships takes time – and commitment. If it’s worth it, you will take the time and make it happen.
I Corinthians 7 has much to say about commitment. Read it!
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